A Quest for Peace of Mind

It’s been a difficult year. It’s been hard to keep smiling even on the outside. I did not expect raising children to be so hard, especially my gifted son. It consumes more than your money and time, it worries the life out of you and before you know it you’ve turned into an anxious wreck of a person that can no longer string a reasonably sensible sentence together or even cope with the smallest of setbacks. I worry because hindsight is a wonderful thing and I can say “oh, now I get it, everything has fallen into place” which is great, but then you wonder what else there is that you are doing wrong or should have picked up on earlier, like my son’s depression. When my child was born I counted his fingers and toes and everything was there where it should be so I breathed a huge sigh of relief and never stopped to think about what was bubbling away beneath the surface.

I’m a glass half empty sort of person, so this doesn’t come easy for me to say, but I’m relieved that I finally found my diagnosis and I’m glad. I don’t have all the answers and it’s likely that I never will, but it’s easier to fight if you know what you are up against. Once I knew that there were certain behaviors that were beyond my child’s control I had to change my mind set and I had to persuade other people to as well. There is no point in expecting from him what other children his age may be capable of, especially social expectations; they can be too high for my child. He has a lack of empathy because he is an Asperger’s child. He doesn't seem to notice or care if he hurts someone either physically or verbally (not usual for Asperger's). He says what is on his mind. Most schools try really hard to accommodate different ‘skill sets’ but it helps them if the child participates and gets along reasonably well with their peers, some social skills are required for that. It is hard for an introverted gifted child to do something that is as unnatural to them such as standing up and speaking to an audience or working in a group with non gifted children. My oldest (typical) child tries hard to please other people, especially her teachers. She tries hard to conform and fit it. My gifted Asperger’s child wouldn’t know how to, even if he wanted to. He knows he is different.

What had an effect for my child was moving him to a school for gifted and talented children. I was lucky enough to have this opportunity; I know it is not available to all. It is a school led by renowned experts in the field of K-12 education. The school focuses on creative teaching methods including hands on activities and differential learning. They use the constructivist approach to teaching and learning. Generally this means students conduct experiments and real world problem solving to build on their knowledge and then reflect on it and talk about how their understanding is changing. The students are active creators of their own knowledge, by questioning themselves and their beliefs and making readjustments as necessary. The faculty acknowledges that along with giftedness may come other things. This group of children has unique requirements and the faculty understands and can manage the symptoms. Subjects such as Social and Emotional studies are as important for these children as Math and this is part of the curriculum at my son’s new school.

There is no “silver bullet” and I cannot say that things will get better quickly or at all. After all, there is no “cure” for Asperger’s. Focusing on the gift is important and this requires the appropriate teaching. Renowned and successful individuals such as Mozart, Albert Einstein and Thomas Jefferson are said to have had symptoms of Asperger’s (although no diagnosis was available at the time). My wish for my child is that he will learn about his own strengths and weaknesses, learn how to check other people’s faces to see how they are responding, and eventually find a comfortable way to navigate his journey through life.