My Asperger's Child

Pediatricians, teachers and family members initially dismissed signs of autism, optimistically thinking that my child is just ‘being a boy’ and will ‘catch up’ with his social and emotional intelligence.

At the age of 4 he was passively accepting hugs, at best, he didn’t seem at all attached to me. He had difficulty regulating his emotions and would easily lose control, particularly if he was in a strange environment or when he was frustrated because his siblings were ‘bothering’ him. In revenge, he would interfere in their play and become angry and eventually physically aggressive at times.

I began to observe him more closely and note patterns in his behavior. He might spend hours lining up his cars and airplanes in a certain way, rather than using them for pretend play. If someone accidentally moved one of his toys, my child became inconsolable and extremely frustrated. It was as though he needed and demanded absolute consistency in his environment. A slight change in any routine or when his expectations weren’t met: getting dressed, taking a bath, going to school at a certain time and by the same route, changes in what he thought was for dinner, changing the park we were going to play at, could be extremely disturbing to him. Was it that order and sameness lent some stability in his world of confusion?

He had a hard time relating to others, he lacked empathy and he didn’t understand verbal and non verbal social cues. He found it hard to take turns in talking, he couldn’t understand jokes (taking things too literally) and he was overly sensitive to others comments about him, he always thought he was being made fun of. He seemed unable to make eye contact when speaking to someone. He went to the same pre-school for 2 years but could never greet his teachers at morning drop off with either enthusiasm or eye contact. In fact he barely acknowledged them. There was, however, one teacher that looked beyond the gloomy exterior and spent time with him one on one just ‘letting him talk’. Looking back, I’m sure he would have been in a worse place mentally than he was without this teacher.

At the age of 5, to compound the problem, he was having difficulty seeing things from another person's perspective. He lacked the understanding that other people could have different ideas, different needs and different feelings to him. Someone (usually his older sister) would always be ‘setting him off’ and saying the ‘wrong’ thing and it was a roller coaster ride spiraling at rocket speeds towards the ground from there onwards, for the rest of the day. In fact, mostly these ‘incidents’ occurred at the same time every day: after school.

Not much later I learnt that the autism spectrum includes an incredibly wide range of people, with an amazingly broad range of abilities and challenges. I also learnt about Asperger’s syndrome and that most people with asperger’s have average or above average intelligence. Many children with asperger’s syndrome are gifted or exceptionally talented.

With all this knowledge and understanding I believed it was time to take control again as a parent and most of all to try to get inside the head of this child of mine and bring him back from that other world. Now I know that he will always have his world and there is no bringing him back, I too have to go there. Eventually, when he is older, he can adapt and compensate to be able to live in mine. He is an Asperger’s child.